10. All signs to the contrary, we're not there to enjoy ourselves. We're there for our health - two cups of tea a day can have significant health benefits, you know. We're doing this to
9. Proper service of lemon slice vs. lemon wedge: a lemon slice can float in your tea cup, a lemon wedge is meant to be squeezed and discarded on the edge of your saucer. I think tea with lemon is disgusting, so I will be disposing discreetly of any lemon bits served to me in the nearest potted plant. Failing any such handy plants, I will be politely lofting them over my shoulder.
8. The proper eating of a scone involves breaking off a bite-sized piece, and then applying cream and/or jam to said piece before popping it daintily into one's mouth. Like a dinner roll, one should not attempt to saw it in half with the butter knife before slathering it with toppings and then taking bite after bite. Am I wrong in thinking this rule probably came from the pre-dental-advances British wanting to ensure they were exposed to as little view of each other's wonky teeth as possible?
7. Twelve-inch napkins are used for Afternoon Tea service - I have packed my handy ruler in my handbag, so as to be sure that I am not being short-changed in the napkin department!
6. The proper stirring of tea. Apparently, one is to "Place your tea spoon at the six o'clock position and softly fold the liquid towards the twelve o'clock position two or three times." I have been practicing with my breakfast Cheerios, but have a distressing tendency to want to fold from 12 to 6, instead of the proper 6 to 12. Fortunately, I already know about removing one's spoon from the tea before drinking (this needed to be a rule? Seriously, how many people poked themselves in the eye before this became a rule??)
5. Sugar tongs are sometimes referred to as "sugar nips". Try not to giggle if someone does so.
4. Afternoon Tea is NOT High Tea. There is a special level of Hell reserved for those who confuse the two.
3. Proper service for the eats on a three-tiered stand is scones on top, sandwiches and savories in the middle, and yummies on the bottom. Traditionally, service is provided to remove each tier at the progression of each course. (If they think that's going to stop me from having dessert first, then they've got another "jolly good" coming!)
2. Pinkies up! I always thought this was an affectation, but apparently, the proper way to grasp your teacup is "By placing ones fingers to the front and back of the handle with ones pinkie up ... (which) allows (for) balance. It is not an affectation, but a graceful way to avoid spills." The pinkie up is for BALANCE! And actually looping ones fingers through the handle on the teacup reveals that you were raised in a barn. And not one of those nice, red-painted barns, but one of those saggy-roofed, a-few-boards-are-missing-from-the-walls, I-hope-no-animals-are-actually-kept-in-there barns.
1. And of course the number one etiquette rule in any situation: to point and laugh heartily, fully shaming those who are less couth than ourselves into a state of agoraphobia. (No, I know my Miss Manners. Etiquette exists to govern our own behavior, and proper behavior does not allow for us to make others uncomfortable by pointing out their faux pas. Such as my originally writing this sentence to read "there faux pas".)
*With thanks to this site for offering British Royal Household Approved tea tips and interesting facts!
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