Now that Owen has outgrown his bucket-style car seat, whenever Steve or I take him out, we carry him in the Baby Bjorn front-carrier. Owen loves it, he kicks his feet like crazy, waves his arms, and coos and laughs. Of course, this gets him a lot of attention, which makes him act even cuter, smiling at everyone.
One of the first things everyone asks me about him is, "Is he a good baby?". (Well, to be truthful, even though Owen wears a lot of blue, I often get asked whether "she" is a good baby. Why do the boys always get the long eyelashes??) What does that mean, exactly? All babies are good! Of course, I tell them yes. Next they want to know, "Does he sleep through the night?" Well, technically, sleeping for a 5-hour stretch is "sleeping through the night", according to the sleep books. But since Owen is up once or twice a night just to eat these days, that's what I say. He's just a little baby, and even though he's getting some solids now, he's still getting most of his nutrition from breast milk, and needs those feedings. And then they tell him, "You have to be a good boy, and let mommy get her sleep!" I've actually had this conversation several times, with different strangers. It's bizarre. Now that we've sorted out the night waking, Owen is sleeping 12-13 hours at night, in long stretches. Sure, a stretch of 12 unbroken hours of sleep for me would be nice, but this is definitely do-able, if not ideal.
But I wonder, what do these people think a "bad" baby is? I mean, even when Owen was waking up through the night every hour (or less!) and I was a crazy, baggy-eyed zombie, I still thought he was a good baby. It's not like he WANTED to wake up that much, or like he was plotting it. Babies are babies, they can't help what they do yet, so how can any baby be "bad"? Is that what happens to the poor little ones that are abused or hurt by their parents? Do those parents think they have a "bad" baby? Honestly, it's such a weird question for people to ask, "Is he a good baby?". He's a BABY, that IMPLIES that he's good. Babies are about as good as you can get.
Even if Owen had colic, cried for hours a day, fought sleep all the time, and woke up 10 times a night, he would still be good. I may not feel very "good" about how things were going, but that wouldn't mean HE wasn't good. How can there be good babies and bad babies? I know that not all babies are as easy going as Owen, but that can't make them "bad". They're just different. If he misses a nap or has a later feed, he gets cranky. He's not being bad, he's reacting to something Steve or I have let him down in. When he wasn't sleeping well, I was feeling so awful, because I just know it was my fault for going in so often the times he did wake up - I had "taught" him that (bad?) behaviour. He'd become a bad sleeper, but was still a good baby!
The thing that makes me wonder the most about people, is that a few times, I've been asked this question by other moms. Their kids are a little older, but still, did they think they had "bad" babies? Do people actually think they have "bad" babies? I'm just really puzzled by this. If Owen wasn't our Cheeri-O, would things be different? Would I think he was a bad baby? Does anyone else get this question? I'm curious now, and will have to ask my mom-friends. Cheers!
Hi. I'm a mom, outnumbered three-to-one by my husband and two sons. The four of us together comprise Team Howard, and Howieland is our domain.
3 comments:
Yes, we get that question all the time - from strangers and friends. I find myself in the same conundrum. I agree; I really don't believe there are "good" or "bad" babies, just babies with a variety of personalities and needs. I find it hard to answer these people because I don't want to perpetuate the myth that there are "good" babies, but I've come to realize that they mostly just want to know how co-operative she is with our adult expectations of her. If I can just say, "well, she's pretty easy-going" and that she only wakes up in the night to nurse, and not to play, that seems to satisfy their curiousity.
It really has a lot to do with what people expect babies to be able to do. At this point, they are still so little, and it's not unreasonable for them to wake up a few times during the night, and to need to be held and cuddled more often than not, and to be surrounded by the people they know and love, even if it means I can't leave her with someone else for more than an hour or two. She (or he) has all the rest of their life to be "good" - right now they just need to be a baby. Thanks for making me realize we're not the only ones that get crazy questions!
Kristyn & Abby
Not being a mother, I think I may have asked, or used, that phrase before. Usually I would use it in reference to a slightly older child, tho - toddler. And I definitely never thought about the opposite, of a baby being 'bad'.
Whenever I've described a baby as 'good', I would just be implying that a 'good' baby wasn't fussy and screaming the whole time I was babysitting or something. And for older kids it would really mean more that they were being naughty, not inherently evil!
I am surprised that I haven't gotten this question! Blaine IS a colicky baby (screams for about 3 hours a night, same time every night) and I still wouldn't say he's "bad". I think when people say 'good' what they mean is, 'easy'. Blaine is NOT an easy baby, Parker WAS TOTALLY an easy baby, but both my princes are good. VERY VERY GOOD. :-)
Thornton Mommy Krista
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