Dear Owen,
It was so crazy, in the days leading up to your first birthday, to think back to this time last year and how you weren't even here yet. We wanted you to delay your arrival for just a tiny bit, just until your Papa was done work for the summer, but we never dreamed you'd keep us waiting for two whole extra weeks. And when you finally did arrive, you came so quickly that we barely had time to get to the hospital. Papa and I spent more time at the hospital the day before you were born, being checked out, than we did when you were born. I will never forget the moment Sky told me to reach down and grab you - looking into your little eyes for the first time, finally getting to hold you, and having it dawn on me that you were finally here, forever. And feeling a mother's pride that you were cute, and didn't have a cone-head!
Every parent loves their baby, but I fell IN love with you. Your perfect, sweet little face, those tiny toes and fingers, your kissable little belly. It was almost surreal to take you home that morning, driving with you in the car seat that had been ready and waiting and empty for so long. Snuggling up with you in our bed at home, knowing that I was, now and forevermore, a mommy.
Right from the beginning, you made being first-time parents very easy on your Papa and me. You nursed well right after delivery, and like a champ ever since. I'm sorry we had to stop nursing when you were only 9 months old, but you were just way to eager to use those little teeth that had grown in! You gave us 3 and 4 hour stretches of sleep, even as a tiny little guy, and you were so alert during the day, you were so much fun to watch. I've always insisted that coming two weeks late, you've been trying to make up for it ever since. Curious little monkey, always looking around, holding your head up to see better when you were just days old.
When you woke up from a nap, you would stretch out with your arms above your head, and curl your hands into fists, with just your index fingers pointing up. We called it your "number one stretch". You were always so happy to have your diaper changed - even if you were fussing, just laying you on the change table would calm you down and get a smile from you. I know that everyone says a baby's first early smiles are just gas, but you smiled with your eyes too, tiny baby, and I knew you were smiling at me. You went through a phase of waking every hour on the hour through the night. That was hard on Mama, because Papa had gone back to work by then. But all those times we cuddled together in the night, I reminded myself that all too soon, you would be a big boy, and not want to sit and cuddle with me. All too soon, you'd be asking me to drop you off at the corner, so your friends wouldn't have to see you with me. So I treasure every time you curl up in my arms, and lay your head against my shoulder, and pat your hand against my cheek.
Most babies find the "d" sounds easier to make, and we thought "dada" would be first, but your first word was "mum". Even though I've since become "ma-ma" to you, hearing "mum" for the first time just melted my heart, and made me fall even deeper in love. Especially since it only seemed to come out when you were upset, and really needed me. You learned so many words, words came before moving - I think somehow you knew how much your mama loves words, and wanted to share that with me as soon as possible. Ball and dog, it's hard to say which one came next, but you definitely knew what they meant, and the best part of your day was if we happened to go out and see a dog WITH a ball. You would practically trip over the words as they came tumbling out of your mouth: "Ball! Dog! Ball! Dog, dog, dog-geee!" And you decided that your daddy was "Papa", not "Dada".
But movement came too, and at 8 months, you were up, walking along the furniture. Um, weren't you supposed to crawl first? But then a week later, you did. You were such a speedy little guy, slapping your hands down as you went, laughing at the noise it made. You loved it when we chased you around, and if you crawled around a piece of furniture, all we had to do was ask, "Where's Owen? Where's the baby?" and out you'd come, giggling and squealing. You found that you weren't as fast as you'd like on the hardwood and ceramic tile - the traction wasn't the same as on the carpet. So you adapted, crawling on your left knee, and pushing off with your right foot whenever you were on the hard surface floors. You wouldn't miss a beat switching between this and the regular crawl on carpet, and you were still so FAST! You didn't seem to have any interest in walking, even though you were very steady on your feet. Standing was fine for playing, you would even bend down, pick up a toy and stand back up with perfect balance, but walking was for suckers. Didn't we see how fast you were already?
After a few playdates with bigger kids, you began to seem more interested in walking, taking a hesitating step here and there before dropping to your knees to speed away on all fours. The day after you turned 11 months, you walked across the room, and never looked back. Walking (and running!) is now the way to go, but once in a while, you'll still drop and crawl, just to giggle at the noise you can make with your hands slapping the floor. You love to crawl under the glass end table, and giggle up at us while you bang on the glass - we don't really get the joke, but you sure think it's funny (you and mimes, I guess).
You love the water, and we learned very early on not to try to do bathtime before bedtime. It doesn't calm you down, no matter how much special "sleep encouraging" bath wash we use. You are so excited to splash around, soaking everything around you. We started swimming lessons at 3 months, and right away you loved to be "dunked", and you would move your arms and legs to "swim" after toys. Now that you're big enough, you love to sit on the edge, and throw yourself into my waiting arms to "jump" into the pool. (The odd time we've tried it standing up though, you've gotten distracted and wandered away, making me jump out of the pool to chase you!) You love, love, love to splash, and at times, I have to lift you right up out of the water in order to hear what the instructor is telling us. Getting you a water table to splash in for your birthday was a great idea - you stand and splash until there's only a tiny bit of water left, and grin as we begin to fill it again. I'm so glad you love the water, I hope you'll be a strong swimmer. I can't wait until we can teach you to waterski behind Grandpa's boat!
Your favourite game is anything that involves us chasing you, but peek-a-boo has always been a close second. You love to get the lid off the footrest/your toybox, and sit inside with all the toys - HUGE grins at that. You're starting to be a climber now, wanting to get up on anything and everything you can. You love your little deck swing, because you can get in and out of the chair yourself. And you love it when we take the cushion off "your" chair in the family room so you can climb up and sit in it like the big boy you are.
You're a great sleeper now, on some nights, I swear that you don't even move, you're so tired when you go to bed after an exciting day. And you're always so happy to wake up in the morning. Whether your dad or I come in to get you, we get a hug, and then you start asking for the other one of us: Papa? Mama? You keep talking, and now your favourite thing to do is to ask us, "What's that?" You'll point at anything new and ask, and sometimes you like to point at things you already know and ask, and giggle when we tell you that you know what it is! You tell people "bye bye" now when they leave, complete with little hand wave. You LOVE books, you'll grab a favourite and bring it over so that we'll lift you up for a snuggle and read it to you, patiently waiting to turn the pages for us, pointing things out to us when we ask where they are in the book. Mama is so happy that you love books, and hopes that you will always love them as much as she does.
You've become a great eater too, wanting to eat anything and everything that we do. You aren't very discriminating, you love Mama's lasagna, butter chicken, pizza, steak, anything we have you want a bite of. You loved your first taste of ice cream - your Papa just touched it to your lips, but you licked and licked them, saying "mmm! MMMM!" as your way of asking for more. And your first birthday cake was lots of fun, you were so excited, you didn't even bother trying to pick it up, happy to just bob your face down into it to take a bite. You love fruit, especially grapes, and your "astronaut corn", those freeze-dried niblets are your favourite snack. Watching you pick something up and put it in your mouth to feed yourself is just amazing. I could watch you all day.
You don't do your "number one stretch" anymore, but for months now, if we've asked you how old you were going to be, you would hold up those little pointer fingers. You also do it if we ask you, "Who's number one?" You love the attention it gets you, and will sometimes come up and just hold up that one finger for the reaction it gets. Your car seat is turned around now, facing the front, and you love to go for a drive, and watch everything go by out the window. You love big trucks and the construction equipment around our neighbourhood, and are so excited when one goes by on the street. (Not sure where this came from, it must be embedded in your Y chromosome.)
I've put away boxes and boxes of clothes you've outgrown, you just keep getting taller and taller. Looking back, it's hard to believe you were so tiny in your sleepers and newborn diapers. You look like a regular little boy when you wear shorts and t-shirts, especially when you wear a hat and sandals. But at night, in your jammies, stretched out in your crib, you look like my little baby again. I hope you get my height, but with your Papa's build. Your face is turning more into a little boy's face, losing its baby look, especially as you get more hair. It's so strange to see my own eyes looking back at me from your little face. Everything else about you is very much your Papa, but you have my eyes.
Someday you may have a sister, and if you do don't tell her this, but Mama always wanted a boy. Lots of boys. A bunch of boys. When the ultrasound technician told us you were a boy, I was so happy that strangers in the waiting room commented on how excited I looked when I came out. In a way, it's hard to imagine someday having another baby. How could they ever measure up to you? You've stolen my heart so completely, I didn't realize just how wonderful being a mom, being your Mama, would be. It's an enormous priviledge and an awesome responsibility to have you in my life. I want so many things for you, but most of all, I want you to grow up happy, knowing how much you are loved.
I feel a great amount of pressure to help you become a good man. A man with a sense of honour, and a sense of humour. A man of character, and charisma. A man of empathy and energy. A man who will be strong, sympathetic, and smart; brave, bold and beautiful. A man who is generous, and gracious. A man like your Papa, who will love and care for your family the way he does for us.
My heart breaks at the thought of all the things you will have to go through in life to become that man - not all of them will be good, of course, and even if I could shelter you from all the bad things in the world, I wouldn't. How else would you know how wonderful the good things are then? I know there are times when I will just die inside, when the little (and big!) disappointments in life come your way. Life isn't fair, but it is fun for the most part, and I hope that you will live not only the length of your life, but the width of it as well. Thank you for choosing me to be your mommy, and including me in the journey of your life. I love you, more than you will ever, ever know, until you have your own little boy one day.
With all my heart, Mama
